Angel-Hellion

The rain will wash away my sins And I will come out, alive again Breathing fresh air once more Feeling the life return to my veins The rain will wash away my pain And take with it my shackles Binding me to this downward spiral I will resurface from the depths The rain will wash it all away And I will be left standing there Free from guilt and shame To go on my way once more I will be haunted no more By blackened visions of the future Of myself and my surroundings My tablets will be clear I will not be a blank slate I have gone too far for that But may I be released From the burdens I am carrying May the rain dissolve the b

I hate you; with all my heart I hate you You drag me down repeatedly, keep me from getting up When I try to take action you undermine me and stop me When I have problems and want to work on them You tell me it's useless to even try, why bother And the more I avoid the things that make me feel bad The worse I feel for not doing them to begin with You know this, you like this, you want this You know exactly how to pull me down Over and over and over again, for months or even years on end You're always there, right around the corner, when I think it's going well Why are you always with me? Where did you come from? But perhaps most im

I cut again last week, I thought it would feel good but it didn't It just sent me deeper into desperation somehow It used to bring me relief, from tension, from stress Now it really just added to everything I thought it would help but it only made it worse In my sheer desperation I reached for it again But now I feel like I have lost something I hadn't cut in probably years, but I still feel like a cutter I wrote again last week, but somehow I felt it had lost his power to me I used to spin words in a way that somehow portrayed emotion It moved me if no one else at least But even that seems to have left me now I miss writing, mayb

Why, is the only word running through my head As I try to grasp the words that you are speaking Why would you do this, what are you trying to prove? Are you trying to destroy everything we ever had? Why are you so hellbent on making it seem Like I broke a promise of sacrifice to you? A sacrifice that I would no doubt make But only if all else failed Why can you not see that? Why do you not understand? Why would you ask me to do give up something So dear, so close to me, just because you wanted to see? Did you want to see how far you could push me? Did you want to see how far you can go? Or did you actually want to push me away?

They say that rules are made to be broken I think the same can be said for promises You make them in the heat of the moment In the blink of an eye you can vow for anything But the moment always passes And you are left, with nothing but empty words I could vow to never tell your secrets But if it might save your life, I would break it in a heartbeat I could vow to never leave your side for all eternity But in order to keep a promise to myself, one day I might have to So I will not promise to love you till the end of time I will not promise we will be together forever I can only promise for right now I promise that you are the only

I wonder if you remember me If you even spend a fraction of the time I do On just remembering us I remember you I don't think I'll ever truly forget And I spend more time thinking of Phone calls in the dark and promises that were doomed from the start Than I'd openly be willing to admit I know you don't remember everything You managed to forget, what to me was and still is One of the most important events in my life But do you remember the times where I wouldn't speak And you would just talk for hours, Trying to distract me from who I was And reminding me I was free to interrupt you any time I do, I used to spend my days doing

I have all these words I'll never speak Lying at the tip of my tongue And they keep threatening to fall off Every time you're not around Because when you are my throat seems to close up And I can't even look you in the eye And the things that I want to say to you Have to come straight from the heart There are so many letters I haven't written And notes I haven't left you Ways to show you what I mean that remain undone Because when I look at you I find myself afraid I don't know how it happened I honestly don't remember But one day I realized I could no longer talk to you And all I want to tell you is that I'm sorry

I have changed a lot since you have left But apparently I am still the same Because I find myself stuck with the words That you taught me when you first came You have taken a lot from me Remnants of innocence and a few shattered dreams And a few things that you don't even remember taking But I wish you'd left me the ability to write Because you left me with enough To fill a thousand scattered notebooks But the words that flow from my hand, remain unchanged Untill I can't bear to even try

And in the light of day Everything feels different But that sense of longing Never really goes away I wish that I could say I don't think about you At least not every day But I would be lying I still see your face And I still think it's you Every time the phone Rings of no accord And I wish that I could Cut it out of my heart And leave it bleeding on the ground Like you once did with me But I need to learn from this I need to ensure that this Will never ever be done to me Ever again I just wish I could store it away And I try so hard But it tends to fight its way Back to the surface Each and every time

I can feel every cell in my being Begging for the pain to be released Begging for me to slice the skin And let the sorrow flow freely But I can't, I won't, I shouldn't, I wouldn't I know with all my heart that I cannot go there Not now, maybe not ever, I cannot do that But if I don't release the tension I don't know what I'll do I hit myself I try in vain to bruise I need something anything by now Because this feeling just won't go away I wish I could release the anger somehow But I can't I shouldn't at least not in that way I cannot leave a mark, no matter how much I want to I might never be able to do so again but by God I