I can connect so much with this. I have been suicidal for over 3 years now. Theres so much shit Ive lived through and done that I wonder how someone even could still be living after it all. This last year though two of my closest friends foudn out about it all. Their about the only peopel in the world who actually truely care about me. Im so alone in my life all the time. Their the only ones who keep me going. And since though though its been a struggel I have put such an effort to trying to stop living in that dark place. I know you have probably heard this a thousand times if not more, but it does get easier. All it takes is some effort. I know thats a hard thing to find when you feel like just giving up, like nothings worth it anymore. But there are people in this world (no matter who you are, even fucking terrorist have people who loved them to some extent) who you can look to for strength and support. Because I will tell you one thing for sure if you go there are peopel who will hurt bad because of it. So just find some strength, and put an effort into trying. Please take what Im saying to heart and do what you will with it.

Thank you for your kind words and thank you for the favorite as well
And I'm sorry to hear that you've felt so bad for such a long time, I guess this is the price you have to pay to know better than those who live in ignorance.

I know it can get better, but I have to stay here for at least another two years (I need to get away from my father), as soon as I can get out of here I'll try to start over and I might do better, I'm just not sure if I can make it till then. Currently I have no one, but I mean no one in my life that I trust, that I can talk to, there is one girl who feels similar and I try to help her, but because of that I can't let her see me breakdown and I'm sick of trying to do this by myself

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Look How Pretty She Is When She Falls Down
Now There's No Beauty In Bleeding Mascara
- Atreyu
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~Kida-Ookami created my avatar

Any time! Life is rough I know, but like I said I know its not much but about all you can do is hang in there. I have a friend who feels similar to you. You see when she found out about me she also revealed the fact that she was stuggeling through a lot too. And I know so often she tries to hide the fact that she's not doing as well as what she was leading on. But it always ends uo making me feel worse not better the fact the because of me she feels like she cant truely express how shes really feeling. I dont know this other friend or really any of the situations surounding anything, but I do know that hiding things (feelings, emotions, even your state of mind) from someone who needs to have a lot of trust in you wont make things any better. I hate the fact that my friend feels that same way, sometimes I just wish I could take back ever telling her. But shes like my sister and I love her so much more than I can say, and in that I cant really lie to her.
Dont ever say you dont have anyone. There is always someone there for you, even if you dont know their there.
Please feel free to write me or drop me a note anytime. If you need to just rant, or let off some steem go ahead. You dont HAVE to feel like your going through this alone.
Hang in there, be confident, and keep up with the great writting.

Thank you so much that meant more to me than you know probably. I know I care about her wellbeing but to be able to help her... I just, I can't break down in front of her, she is convinced that she'll die without me and that she depends on me way more than she does. Sometimes I feel tension though, I think she has the idea that I think I had/have it worse than her (which of course is not true, everyones issues are completely different and should not be compared at all) I want to be there for her but I can't get myself to trust her completely, I just can't anymore
And if there's someone that cares that I don't know of I'd really like to find out, I don't know it's just that lately I've not been able to talk honestly to anyone at all (which is why I tend to rant at comments like these, again, sorry about that)

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Look How Pretty She Is When She Falls Down
Now There's No Beauty In Bleeding Mascara
- Atreyu
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~Kida-Ookami created my avatar